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Jarek Sankin

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Murphy's Law [Feb. 12th, 2008|12:14 am]
((WHOO! My writer's block is gone and now I'm getting into the good stuff! Expect me to finish this up before next session! I've gotten into the good stuff and this is the stuff I enjoy writing! Also, I posted this in a short amount of time after the one before this so if you're a little lost on this one, read the one before this.))

As the cargo elevator descended, the surrounding area became more dark, more dull. When it finally stopped, there was little lighting on the bottom. The faint patter of footsteps and yells could be heard from above as the underground depths were remarkably silent. The solid, blocky walls in this underground tunnel even made a noticeable echo to mimic Jarek's breathing. His footsteps were no different despite how hard he tried to quiet them. Dim red lights lined the passageway for a straight rail system, much like the last tunnel. Jarek stuck to the side, a small walkway aside from the rails as he crept on over. The eerie silence coming from both ends made him uncomfortable, as all he could continue to hear were his own footsteps echoing throughout the walls. In the middle of his journey to the other side, things already started to go wrong.

A bright white light eminated from the end and the sound of an electric motor could be heard echoing down the tunnel. The rails were rumbling and the motor sound was increasing its pitch. The damn tram was coming this way and the light was casting itself onto Jarek, who recoiled a bit, shielding his eyes with his left arm. The tram was moving down the tracks at a rather fast speed, probably faster than it should. Every time Jarek unshielded his eyes to check, however, he was once again blinded by the headlight coming from the tram, so for some reason he decided to turn the other way. Simply just turn his body 180 degrees and face the direction the light was going. The tram came roaring past, hurting Jarek's ears a bit thanks to some amplification caused by the echoes. He looked to see who was on the train. While he couldn't make out features, he could make out slight silhouettes. There were two people on the cargo tram facing the direction they were heading. Whether or not they saw Jarek, he didn't know. It didn't seem like they got suspicious so the only thing he could think of was hauling ass in the direction he was going in originally.

Finally to the other side, Jarek climbed up a ladder to the side of the elevator to get to the top. He peeked over the edge, there was no noise, no guards, nothing but a rather nice hallway, definitely nice compared to the other two blocks. He pulled himself to the top and stood up, back onto his feet and entered through the only door there was - a large, powered door that was already open. This block was already taking on a familiar pattern. Faced with 3 ways to go, two of them were hallways with several identical doors, each evenly spaced. These were infront and to the left of him. The way to the right was outside. That way, however, was guarded by a checkpoint. Jarek took a moment to look around a bit more, staring down a security camera that looked directly at him. Like the first security camera he stared at, even though it should be fine, he can't help but shake a feeling that he's screwed. Finally Jarek decided to head straight forward, looking at the doors he was passing by. They were numbered, starting from 1 and moving on. It felt like a cheap motel but this was the living block. With the way the doors were spaced it didn't seem like there was a whole lot of room to begin with.

Jarek took a moment to look around for anyone nearby. No one. =Aigaion. Do you know where the officer's quarters are?= He spoke quietly as he didn't expect the rooms to be soundproof either. However, much to Jarek's dismay, after waiting a good 10 seconds, he realized that there was no response. Jarek started to fear the worse. =Aigaion, please tell me you're there.= He said again, still no response. Jarek cursed under his breath and started to worry. He had no guidance this time around. Hsueh must have gotten to him sooner than he had thought. Without someone to back him up, Jarek thought for sure he was going to die unless he could escape, and that was the thought that usurped it's way into Jarek's top priority. He stopped walking, turned around, and took one step before he froze again. Foreign words penetrated his thoughts once again. It was Aigaion's voice. 'Save our country, save their lives.' Jarek took a moment to tap his earpiece under his facemask, checking to see if Aigaion really did say that again, but it was too clear. Jarek's memory spiked in and reminded him of what he must do. The spotlight's on him now, only because there is no one to put the spotlight on. He would have to be the hero. He just didn't think there would be so much pressure in being one. Jarek turned around again, walking deeper into the block, searching for a door that had a retinal scanner, the door that would lead into the officer's quarters.

Within time, he found it, but like Aigaion said, the scanner wouldn't work, and because of that the doors won't budge. Jarek took a quick look around, namely on the ceilings. There was a ventilation grate, the size of a large square. Aigaion did mention infrared sensors in the ventilation ducts. The vents were definitely large enough to fit Jarek in, along with his stuff, and it wasn't namely out of reach either. It was mounted on the wall about 7 feet up. Jarek took another look around to make sure the coast was clear, and he jumped up and grabbed onto the 'spokes' of the ventilation grate. He placed his feet on the walls and walked up it a bit, enough so that his feet were just below the grate, and Jarek pulled. Hard. The end result is after a good 5 seconds of pulling as hard as he could, a loud metal CLANG was heard as the grate popped off from it's hinges. Jarek fell down and landed on his upper back, flopping onto the ground. The grate landing on the hard surface, out of his grip, creating a large metallic clang much louder than before. Jarek took a slight moment to recover before he realized how much of a noise that made. He got up to his feet and jumped again, grabbing onto the edge and pulling himself in.

The ventilation system seemed roomy at first, but when you're actually inside of it, it was very cramped with just enough room to shuffle forward in a crawl. It was dark with only openings in the vents as a source of light. Jarek wandered around the vents for a good 10 minutes, peering out some of the gratings to see where he was. Finally one such opening featured a rather luxurous, roomy room with a carpet. "Jackpot" Jarek mumbled to himself as he pressed his feet against the grating, getting ready to kick it out. There was a loud clang again from the force of Jarek's feet, but the grate landed silently on the rather soft carpet. Jarek scooted his way out of the vent and dropped to his feet. He looked around the room, taking time to examine it. It was almost as if he just crawled into another world. This place was rich with Elarian art, sculptures, culture. Everything in here was luxurious, to say the least. The bed was very large, much larger than any normal person would need.. Except for maybe Raymond Hark.

Jarek shook his head at the thought of his old team member. He's dead, but that wasn't the point. With his mind back on task, it was clear Hsueh or anyone else was not in this room, so he would lay in wait for him. In the meantime however, he would check around the room, going through desks, closets, cabinets, only to find luxury after luxury. There was, however, a small room attatched to it. There was a door blocking his entrace, however. It was locked. Jarek simply kicked the door open, breaking the mechanism inside. The important part was that the door still looked fine on the outside, save for a dusty bootprint which Jarek took some time to wipe off. In this room, however, was papers and various electronics. This seemed to be his base of operations, or at least where he gets his stuff done. As he checks out the room, most of the papers were in Elarian, making them useless to Jarek. However, some of the papers he found were in Basic. They were messages from a person that Jarek had recently met. A lot of these were discussions between the two about how the project was going, about security detail changes, and right under that one was a complaint. There was one more, deep in the pile. The paper was in a slight tint of brown, showing age. The paper was dated two years ago, and it detailed a transport route. This transport route was apparently carrying schematics and some resources for a secret project - a mobile weapons platform. All of these were from one Major Victor Voycheck, straight to Yiding Hsueh.

=Gabriel, are you still alive?= A sullen and quiet, familiar voice broke through his earpiece. It was Aigaion.
=Aigaion....=
=We're in it deep. The Elarians came in here and held us hostage 5 minutes after the security mainframe went down. After that Hsueh showed up, now we're being taken to the main block. I don't know why but I don't think it's good. Jarek, Hsueh and just about everyone else is heading there.=
=God dammit... Is Voycheck with you?=
=No, I don't know where he is. I can only fear the worst. They know you're lose.=
=Well what the hell am I supposed to do now!?= Jarek shouted in frustration.
=Please... Gyges must not be launched! Get to the main block and stop it from starting up!=
=How!? Just about everyone's going to be there, I can't just walk in!=
=I don't know...=

There was a long moment of pause.

=Well shit, you're no help. I'll try, only if I am to become a hero in Cervia.= Jarek said, his tone of voice changed to something a bit louder, a bit more ill-tempered.
Aigaion simply chuckles quietly. =If we make it out alive, I'll tell the tale.=
=Hmm.. Alright I'm on my way.=
=Please hurry.=

Jarek ditched the papers in his hands and walked out of the small workstation and out of Hsueh's room. He met no resistance , even with security heading out of the officer's quarters. When he reached the checkpoint at the exit of the block, there was no one to be found. The guards that were there are not, which made it easy to slip out. There was a metal door that he had opened, and then he was greeted by something he dearly missed--the outdoors. The smell, the feel, the light. Without a doubt it was a nostalgic feeling, to say the least. The village buildings here, he could actually recognize some of it. This was where him and Narkissa were at, only to have him end up in this mess. He had pondered the idea of Narkissa being out here, coming to rescue him, but in a flashback of when Jarek had been shot, the memory was lucid and clear. "I'm sorry Jarek!" That was her last words before she ran away. Now all he could think about was how she was either long gone, or dead. Either way she wouldn't be anywhere near.

He looked up at the sky, into the clearing. It was mid day. He couldn't tell which direction the sun was at, per se, so it either recently became morning or it will soon become evening. All that time Jarek was down in the complex, he could have sworn it was night. Though there was twice a time where he was out cold. His head tilted back down, viewing the jungle clearing, viewing the village. Jarek walked forward, trying to picture the layout of the underground complex. There was a south, west, and a north block. In the middle of that there was a main block, where Gyges was housed. The only way to get into the main block was form the surface, and sure enough his eyes caught hold of a large lump in the ground, on the side of it was a metal door just like the one on the entrance to the north block. Jarek opened it without a problem, entered, and shut it behind him and walked down a confining, well-lit staircase. Now he was in the demon's lair.
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Unforseen Circumstances [Oct. 29th, 2007|03:08 pm]
[Current Music |Final Fantasy VII - Turks' Theme]

((Feedback appreciated!!))

The world around the gray wolf, Jarek, was starting to come to again. The world was still engulfed in darkness, leaving only what his mind could envision, but his ability to consiously hear what was going on around him forced him to be aware. Last he recalled, he fell off of a building, and it was snowing for some reason. Now, he can hear a distinctive humming noise as well as two voices quietly talking within the room. Jarek was even amazed that he could decipher that he was in a room. He could feel the cool air of the room, brushing against his fur, and that was the stimulus that forced his eyes open, only to witness a bright overhead light. That was where the humming noise was coming from. It was all coming back to him now. He got shot off a roof and his partner ditched him for her own life. Considering the circumstances, that was probably a wise move. The two people speaking Basic appeared to be unaware of Jarek's conisousness, and Jarek took the chance of rolling to his right to get off of whatever platform he was on, but there was a snag, literally. Jarek's left wrist was restrained onto whatever platform he was on, and it made a bit of a rattling noise. Jarek looked at his arm and saw that it was held in place by a metal 'bracelet,' same goes with his other limbs. Unfortunately the noise he made attracted the attention of the two others in the room as they stopped speaking. Jarek didn't even have to look around for long to figure out where he was. He was in an interrogation room.

"Looks like your friend is finally awake." A grizzly male voice was heard, it had a heavy and deep Cervian accent. "So he is. Lets get started then." Another male spoke with a firm voice. This one had an Elarian accent. That in it's own way made Jarek confused. There is supposed to be a war going on between Elaria and Cervia, so what is this? A button was pressed, followed subsequently by a moderate beep, and the platform that Jarek was bound to pivoted forwards 90 degrees slowly, and halted. With the bright light out of his eyes, he could clearly make out the two figures, and they were Cervian and Elarian. There was a rugged, 50-something year old Lynx that dawned the genetic inheritance of Cervian facial structures. The other, near a console, was younger and was a Lemur. Thin, short, and black hair. It reminded Jarek of a team-member, just with more white, more fluff, and less eye-squint. "Good morning, mister Sankin." The Lemur spoke. Right off the bat, they knew who he was. His eyes went wide and his jaw dropped. "H.. How did you know my name?" The first words out of Jarek's mouth were riddled with confusion as that should have been near-impossible to ascertain. The Lemur held up a generic brown leather wallet. "Does this look familiar to you? It still had your old driver's license inside of it." It was indeed Jarek's class C license he obtained in Ezura. All Jarek did was regain his facial composure and rested against the platform that was ever-so-uncomfortable. "Alright so.... Who are you?" Jarek asked, and the Lemur smiled and chuckled a bit. "You don't know me? Surely I was the reason why you decided to invite yourself into my lair." Jarek simply shook his head. "I got shot in the back and fell off a rooftop, I don't remember shit right now." Both the Lemur and the Lynx chuckled, but the Elarian Lemur spoke again. "My name is Cao Hsueh, and since you won't be living long..." The Lemur turned to his right, looking at a tall, rugged Cervian Lynx. "I am Lieutenant Colonel Victor Voycheck, and yes, I am of Cervian nationality."

"Where am I?" Jarek asked next, and quickly. "Not far from where we shot you." Jarek glanced down at his own self, he was nearly naked, with some extra cover on his torso from minor medical tending, at least he didn't have an infection, but that spot would, without a doubt, scar. Oh well, it'd make him look more manly. He looked up to ask yet another question. "So I'm still in Elaria... Then... Why is there a Cervian in here?" "Wouldn't you like to know?" Victor responded, his arms still folded. "That's enough of that Q and A session, Jarek. Now it's our turn." Hsueh responded and paused for a second. "Do you like to play games, Jarek?" "Not ones that are painful." A blunt retort from Jarek. "Heh, well, it doesn't have to be painful if you answer my questions. You see, I'm going to ask you some questions, and I want you to answer them truthfully, if you don't, well... Your body will be sent some high voltage shocks. You will be electrocuted, but it should be minute enough so you don't pass out or worse yet, die immediately. Are you ready?" The Elarian smiled, Jarek frowned and started to look grim and said nothing, and the Cervian stands there, unamused. "Very well then. First question. Who is in charge of CEG SOS-06?" Jarek took a moment to think, but in the end responded with a "I don't know." The Elarian frowned and tapped a button on the console, a crack was heard from Jarek, he got shocked instantaneously, and Jarek felt it. He clenched his jaw to endure the pain for a moment then went back to normal, breathing a little more heavily however. "Lets try that again, who is in charge of CEG SOS-06?" The Lemur asked, sounding a bit more impatient. Jarek responded simply with a first name, "Denise." That resulted in a one-second shock, and Jarek grunted in pain, but nothing more. His breathing became even more heavy.

"Not her you imbecile!" The Lemur sounded angry, and asked once more in a louder, more authorative voice. "Who is in charge of CEG SOS-06!?" Jarek was suprised that he knew of Denise, perhaps he knew of the General, but sadly, that's all he could recall. It was a General, and that's it. "I.. I don't know." Jarek mumbled. "What?" "I said I don't know." "HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW!?" "I don't know how I can not know!" The Elarian, although visibly and verbally frustrated, did not say anything and paused for a good three seconds, letting himself vent. "Don't you know?" Jarek asked, breaking the silence. "Yes, I do know." Hsueh spoke, somewhat softly. "That General.. Was a very influential and powerful officer, sneaky at that. He is... A committee member, and we were his cohorts. Elaria was supposed to win this war so that the committee members may come to power and be one step closer ruling over Corneria, and we were supposed to do that with the help of your General, but you killed him."

"WHAT!?" Jarek uproared, he didn't even know that Cope was dead, but saying that Jarek did it didn't even compute with him. "I didn't kill him!" "LIAR!" Hsueh yelled and held the button down for three seconds, subsequently shocking Jarek for 3 seconds. He grimmaced, he trembled madly, and he muffled his would-be screams. He was exhausted after that, breathing very heavily and smelling something good, something that was cooking. Now that he thinks about what Hsueh said, he wouldn't have been suprised if CEG did, infact, off General Cope, since he was not only a Committee member, but an influential one. "Jarek, where is your team?" Jarek quickly responded with his "I don't know." Which sparked another yell from Hsueh, calling Jarek a liar and giving him a four second shock. Jarek was exhausted and feeling the pain already, and did not try as hard to endure this pain. For one second he held it in, but the 3 seconds afterwards was a loud scream of pain. At the end of his spasms resulting from the shock he caved inward as much as the restraints would let him. Jarek was starting to gasp for air, but Hsueh didn't give much of a break before he spoke again. "Where is your team at, Jarek?" Jarek paused a second to get the breath he needed to struggle one word. "Natherica?" "WRONG!" Hsueh yelled. Five second burst, Jarek was screaming again, louder, sounding like he was in a world of pain - and he was. Gasping for air at the end, still feeling his muscles twinge from all the electricity that did flow through him. "Where are they, Jarek? Where is your team at? They wouldn't send your sorry ass in alone." Jarek was starting to lose it, his will was starting to shatter, all he could do was tell the truth, and the truth was a lie? There must be some mistake, but he had to try again. With a weak, twingy voice he spoke again. "I.. I don't know!" Then on came the pain. Hsueh held down the button, and Jarek screamed a mottled blood-curdling cry of pain "DO NOT TOY WITH ME, SANKIN! ONLY WHEN YOU ANSWER MY QUESTION WILL THE PAIN STOP!" The shock lasted for about 8 seconds before the voice of Voycheck broke through. "HOLD IT!" The Lynx shouted. Hsueh let off  the button, and Jarek struggled to unblur his image, quietly sobbing to himself. He couldn't take this pain forever. He was trying to get a focus on Voycheck, since he was the one who said to stop. Hsueh's eyes fixed on him as well.

Voycheck walked closer to Jarek and took a good look at his face. "He's not lying," Victor spoke as he continued to look at Jarek. "He is no longer affiliated with his team." "What makes you so sure, Voycheck?" Hsueh asked in a challenging manner, but Victor turned around to look him square in the eyes. "He's breaking down, if he had the answer, he would have told it to you by now." Victor looked at Jarek once again. "He's about to pass out." Jarek might as well have a motor-skill deficiency, he couldn't move if he wanted to. He was too weak and exhausted, his breathing still moderately heavy. "Hmmm.. Very well.. I'll try to pull answers from him later, I still have questions I want to ask." Hsueh was back to his once-calm self. Victor turned to Hsueh with his arms behind his back. "Shall I have the guards escort him?" "I don't need you throwing out your back dragging him." "Heh, at once, sir."

The feeling of helplessness that plagued his mind since the early ages came back upon him. The feeling he dreaded so much. Why did he have to be so powerless? As he faded into unconsiousness to rest, one thought did cross his mind. He got more information out of Hsueh than he did out of Jarek.
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Public Journal #3 - under some clothes in a drawer at this point [Dec. 5th, 2006|12:45 am]
[Current Location |Comfy bed in hotel room.]

Here I am again... First night in Ausman, it's freaking awesome! The snowy mountains is a completely new climate to me, everyone complains about the cold, and yea, it's freakin' cold, but I have always been one to endure the cold better than others. The area around here is incredibly luxurious, it's almost unreal! It's.. fantabulous, so far I'm enjoying my stay here, even if it is a mission...

Except for one thing.

Ja and Cheroki. They don't like me while all I ever do is play stupid little jokes on Ja that are of no real significance, and I don't do it often anyway! Today was horrible. Out of the blue, Ja grasped me by the throat whist I was asleep and kept shoving death-threats to me, even brandishing a cyanide pill. I took, I didn't swallow it, and I just said to Ja "I'm not indimidated by you, dipshit" and I ficked it at his face. That was a dumb move by me, not because it got Ja angry, (again) not because he's better than me, it's because he was already on top of me when I pissed him off passed the point he should have. There's no way in hell he's better than me, I slammed his ass on the floor and I could do it again. The thing is, duing the climax of that fight he threatened to claw my eyes, all this time putting his weight on my gut. Not only was he putting me in so much pain, but if I didn't fight back, he would have caused a serious injury I'd imagine, that and the claws.. Why is he being so damn rigorous over this? Why - to the point where he'd damage my senses and grab a gun to shoot me - can he not take one stupid little prank that lasted about.. What.. One and a half minutes?

And then there's Cheroki. My respect for her is continuously dwindling. She watched the fight, and the only reason why she intervened was 'cause Ja was going for a gun, even though I stopped him... First thing she does is start ripping on me. What the fuck did I do? I didn't start the fight, Ja was the one all over me, he was the one grasping me by the throat, he's the one that started the fight, he's the one who threatened me, and somehow this is all my fault? Only reason why I decided to sit down and pay attention was just to get this stupid yelling over with. She's the exact same rank as me, who does she think she is, a woman that knows all?

It used to be just Ja, now it's both of them. My respect for Ja can't really go down anymore, he has shit, a lot of shit going on in his life. Cheroki's just his bitch, I swear it. May not look like it, but I wouldn't be suprised if logic didn't take effect if one or ethe other was involved...

I want to tell someone about this so bad, I even considered giving General Cope a call, but ultimately that would be a bad move. Not for me, but for the team. Everyone would frown upon me, and the team would start losing it's hinges and the panel that is SOS-06 would ultimately fail and collapse. Ja claims he will do stuff to help better me, he claims a bunch of stuff, though I never really tested anything. I am working up some confidence to tell someone, and if it is going to be someone, it's him. If it's true that CEG is his life, I don't want to collapse the family and have one of them killed. Besides, any usurpur from this gets to the higherups, we're both fucked as we're still on "probation."

I don't know.. I kinda wish Denise was here, she's the mother of this family, she could help, General Cope probably wouldn't do much at all. I guess for now, I'll avoid those two and respond as simply as I can.

There's only one person who ever accepted me for who I was...
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Handwritten Journal #2 - Concealed Location [Nov. 28th, 2006|06:58 am]
Well here I am again, writing in this book. Once again I can not find it in my heart to talk to anyone about something. This time it has nothing to do with Cheroki, it has nothing to do with Ja, it has nothing to do with Denise or General Cope, it has something to do with the military. When I had originally joined the military, I did it so that I could have an easier life, just performing duties on base, getting money and living in quarters housed by the base. The reason why I took my training so seriously is so that if I ever did get sent out someplace, I'd know how to fight and win. My aptitude in my abilities that I have been training for were recognized by the Colonel, and CEG is... When I originally joined, I thought they were the best of the best, the elites, the backbone of any operation's success. They definitely are, but there's more to it than that. Efforts go unrecognized amongst anyone who does not know about CEG, which is just about everyone. The Bureau took our fucking work and credited themselves to the public. Worst of all: My life is on the line 24/7.

Everyone on this team is unique, good and bad. Ja's got anger issues. Cheroki is like Ja in a sense, which is probably why they get along so well. (Or Ja's trying to get her into bed, which has already happened once, wouldn't be suprised if it happened again.) Heather knows what she's doing on the field, she knows how to use a gun, but she's kind of.. Ditzy. Robin's.. Robin is probably the most unique of them all, the trippy shades he wears makes me wonder if he's straight or not. Denise... Is.. She's only mean to those she has to manage, otherwise I honestly believe that she has a life of relative enjoyment once she's off work. There's no way in hell she can be so mean all the time, it's harmful to the mental health, or at least I think it is. She let me and Ja off easy when we caused a fight in the public hallway in the base. Even though she's mean, I'm already starting to miss her. I hope she gets back soon, really.

Back to the reason why I am writing this journal; the military. My foster parents said that the military isn't all about guns and war, it's about duty, honor, discipline, and character building. I do my duty, I try to uphold my honor, this discipline isn't quite my strong point, and character building.. What the hell does that mean? I'm building myself up to writing in a fucking journal when I should be talking about it to someone. Nobody wants to hear this, and those that do won't be any help. Even if I did tell someone, the way they'd try to help is just themselves and the mission by me not partaking in it.

The issue is this: I don't want to harm anyone else, but here I am in the military, using guns, knives, weapons, fighting a war against terrorism. The problem I have... Two of the targets, they're father and daughter. They're fucking FAMILY! I know what it's like to lose your family, I know what it's like to tear apart someone's family, I know how it feels and I know what kind of turmoil I've put people through. I've killed, harmed, maimed, disabled, and paralyzed so many people in the past, just for myself. I've caused people to suffer, I wanted to join the military 'cause it was supposedly a way to do my duty to Natherica and it's people. Guess how I go about doing it? I kill MORE people. These Red Paw Defenders, they're furres too, they have family, they have friends.. I don't know how many I killed on the first operation against the RPD.. More than ten, more than twenty.. I've killed members of people's family. How many people were devastated by that? God damn it all. I swear, all I'm good for is annoying and killing people, just urging the corrupt through my body through deeds that hamper everything else.

I can't let anyone know I'm like this though, or my lifestyle will go down the drain. Even though it's the military, it's CEG. CEG was created to enforce stability of the nations and to keep everything at peace. So many places are in chaos as it is, CEG exists to put and end to that chaos... Even so, I feel that I am more of a burden than a productive member, and according to Ja, I am. What a fatal blow to whatever esteem I freakin' had.

Regardless of how I feel, I have my duty to uphold, and the honor of CEG rests in me, and everyone else in this team. I'll do as I am ordered, no exceptions.. Even if I regret it later.

By the way, Ausman is FUCKING COLD!
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Handwritten Journal #1 (IC, in a box with a mechanical lock in his room) [Nov. 20th, 2006|04:48 am]
Boy, you'd think people would be a little light about things, right? Wrong. I am so fucked it's not even funny. I can't sleep, Ja's gonna get me reprimanded to such an extent where I get kicked off the team, then it's back to my old lifestyle. Not a street thug, the first two years I was in the CMF... Even though I like the lifestyle of a military life, living on base and everything, there's always a downside.

This day was so incredibly FUBAR, if Denise were in my shoes and she somehow fucked up as bad as I did she'd shoot herself for being so stupid, perhaps most of the people in this base would. After this, I'm not even sure I can talk to anyone anymore. Ja's no psychiatrist, Cheroki doesn't get a hint, Heather.. Heather I actually like, but she's a little absent minded, not saying I'm not. Robin.. Hardly know anything about him. David's out there as well, it's not useful enought o talk to him.

Ja's incredibly dull. He thinks he's all that, he's in so much shit and it's his own damn fault that he's where he is today. He thinks he's so smart, he thinks he's so fucking clever, all he cares about is sex and his fucking sleezebag of a fiancee. This team sucks, everyone says it's me, that's fucking bullshit. He's a dense, big-egoed, overconfident, sad little man, even if he is taller than me, he's a sad little man. It's his damn fault for his mistakes, at least I don't do anything too stupid, but I do have my moments. Today was the best example, get us both on probation and I pissed off Cheroki.

As a result of my own stupidity and cockyness, or as senor douchebag says it, I am endangering this team, I am pulling apart this team, and EVERYTHING that happened is all my fault. Yes, alright, I admit it, Cheroki said it the last four fucking times before I flipped, don't need to hear it from wannabe macho man. I messed up and I tripped Ja trying to work my "war then peace" plan, the problem there was that I did it in a fucking monitored public hallway. The MPs show up and reprimand us both since Ja hit me square in the cheekbone. He was itching for the continuation of the fight after Cheroki showed up, trying to get around her. He's a real bad boy alright, a goddamn stupid one. He expects to take me on with his bare hands when I slammed his ass on the ground beforehand.

Then after all that cools down, I ask Cheroki.. Why was Ja not going to Denise's farewell dinner, and in the end she kept bashing me, 'till I finally snapped and called her a tramp and hinted at things that would suggest she was a whore. That was definitely me snapping, but she wouldn't stop, she kept repeating the same thing over and over. I shoulda just hung up and not have said anything. Regardless, I didn't appologize to her, I don't think I ever will untill she decides to appologize first for egging me on.

It's 0140, I haven't been able to sleep, this journal is something old that has never had anything written on it before. The reason why I choose to write on it now is because I feel that I have earned the neglect of every team member. Each and every one of them would rather not bother with me, they'd rather avoid me after this, even Heather. She didn't look very happy either.

This night I had to make a decision. This team does not like me for who I am, despite my performance abilities. Nobody likes my open personality, nobody likes my sense of humor, nobody flat out likes me, and because of it I'm going to go back to my prior position, or maybe worse. I don't want to, where I am in CEG is the best lifestyle I've ever had, much better than working with Major Artemis... The only reason why they sent me on that incredibly difficult assignment was because they thought I would die.. Almost did, they claimed I was the only one available left to do it, and I was just a lowly private, still am too. I bet in five years I will still be a private, being pushed around, despite my performance on my sorties, which is why I've finally made this decision. I am going to repress whatever usurpur I have in me, and I will act professionally, all the time. No more jokes, no more humor, no more screwups, I'll just be a warhorse, not questioning my orders and performing them as if it were my creed.

It's a big change, but I have no choice if I want to stay, I may even be doomed already.
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